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Hateful Bigot Makes Homophobic Comment; Entire Campus Converted

University Curricula adjusted accordingly

At around 1 pm local time, crowds of UNT students and faculty members began flocking to the library mall in droves after area bigot and preacher Michael Pemulis—who reportedly mounted a protracted, hate-filled sermon on the dangers of homosexuality earlier that day—successfully converted every single person on campus.

“It’s the greatest thing any of us have ever seen,” one witness said. “ How he has the courage to go up there every single week and demonstrate his love for God by shouting homophobic slurs at bystanders really restores my faith in humanity.”

Reports indicate that readings from the Book of Leviticus, half-baked rationalizations on why anal sex is inherently sinful, and sub-mammalian grunting were the primary features of his tirade.

Rumors of sudden lightning, thunderclaps, and small scale earthquakes—all of which coinciding almost perfectly with the conclusion of Reverend Pemulis’s sermon—have also surfaced.